WES FERGUSON.com

Ginormous is a Real Word

Fergie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:48:00 +0000

I was certain ginormous was a made up term, like irregardless. Here I thought my friends and I have been using it ironically. This ruins everything.

gi·nor·mous | adjective
Etymology: gigantic + enormous
Extremely large, humongous

Happy Birthday Charo!

Fergie — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:06:00 +0000

Best celebrity moment ever.

Ultimate gay that I am, I practically hyperventilated when my 80s icon, Charo, came in to our studio for an interview a few months ago.

Under normal circumstances, I would never approach someone for a photo in a professional situation. But it was my one chance, so I bent the rules a little. On the sly, I asked the producer who set up the interview if I could get a quick picture with Charo.

She was amazing. "Choo want picture with me?" she asked, eyes sparkling. She's quite stunning and every bit as energetic in person. "JES! Of courth! Jew are gorgeous!" Then she pulled me by the waist, gave me a big hug and kissed me on both cheeks as I snapped this photo with my camera-phone.

That's right. Charo says I'm gorgeous. And I believe her.

I Take That Back, I Blame Avitable!

Fergie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:01:00 +0000

The other day, I got serious for a minute. Seriously immature.

I basically threw a pissy bitch fit. I was upset at myself. Still, that's like the first time I was real in this new blog space and it's weird -- I don't really want to share my feelings, I just want to make fun of planet earth and everyone on it.

Now, my head is back in the game and I blame my meltdown on Adam Avitable. He gave me a complex. That dude is a prolific writing machine and it makes me feel less than worthy. How dare he make me insecure!

But that's just the thing, dare I get serious again. Nobody can make you feel anything. You allow them to do that. And of course I'm joking, it would be stupid to feel that way. I admire his ability to run a great blog and update with such frequency. I was upset with what I perceived as my failure to do so.

It wasn't just that, in fact it was much, much bigger. A lot of stuff was getting under my skin and making me a loony. Loonier.

When my headspace is fucked, every little thing messes with me and rattles my cage. When in the right frame of mind, there is an invisible shielf around me and all the bullshit bounces right off.

Just like Wonder Woman with her awesome bracelets.

So I guess the moral of this story is that funny people inspire me to hate them and I can deflect bullets.

YouTube Tuesday

Fergie — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:11:00 +0000

Okay! Yesterday I had a bitch fit -- at myself. Fun times. I'm over that now and it's time to bring back the funny.

"Stephanie, I need to tell you something. You are a tranny that looks like a hot mess, and not in a good way. You're a tickity-tack tranny hot mess out of control super tranny from transylvania who is not apologizing for it"

I think I've watched that clip about 50 times and since its probably not half as funny if you didn't watch the show -- here's a bonus video: "Mom scares the gay out of kid"

Yah, right.

It's Official! This Blog Sucks

Fergie — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:20:00 +0000

I hate this dump.

The sad state of affairs on this site is all my fault. I won't but the blame on anyone else. They didn't have anything to do with this crap.

I've been so consumed with posting something -- anything -- over the past few weeks that the value of what I was posting declined to the point where even I was bored with it. Then I posted about how I didn't have time to write. What a treat for you, dear reader! You have no reason to keep reading this blog, because I haven't given you one.

At the start of the year, I committed to blogging every single day. I can't do it. I failed. And so that got me thinking. My expectations are too high.

Realistically, I'm already working as a professional writer and freelance writer as well. My web sites are supposed to be about free-form expression and gay stuff like that. Filling these pages with a whole bunch of lame shit isn't going to satisfy anyone.

The moral of the story: lower your expectations.

Slave4U

Fergie — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:18:00 +0000

This week is flying by and I have so much to do. There truly is no rest for the wicked. I need a personal assistant to boss around.

I'm not sure if that would make me any more productive, but it would be fun to have a slave.

Oscar Wilde Once Said...

Fergie — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:42:00 +0000

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

Hahaha -- you fell!

Fergie — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:29:00 +0000

Say Aloud, Repeat

Fergie — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:26:00 +0000

I can do anything.

Steal My Beauty at I'm Not Obsessed

Fergie — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 21:40:00 +0000

A popular celebrity blog just added a new style section to the site and I'm very happy to annouce that I'm the male beauty guru!

I'll be writing about men's products at Beauty.ImNotObsessed.com

I think this means, at least for now, I won't be posting new Steal My Beauty sections here.

This week at I'm Not Obsessed with Beauty:

Revisiting an old classic meets something new and organic

Best Men's Toner and the frugal alternative

My favorite all-over scrub and a great every day anti-acne wash

Ultimate shave and lather brush

Beauty Weapons and hand defense

Stainless Steel Foot Smoother

Saturday Link Lust

Fergie — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 18:55:00 +0000

LastSeason.com :: Major discounts on high quality clothes from the UK.

Get Human :: Aiming to convince enterprises that providing high quality customer service and having satisfied customers costs much less than providing low quality customer service and having unsatisfied customers.

Beauty.ImNotObsessed.com :: New style & beauty section on one of the web's fastest growing celebrity blogs. Men's grooming tips by yours truly!

Roids n Rants :: Unabashed gay porn. Fetish, erotic comics, hardcore men, leather daddy types, multi-ethnic, boy next-door gone bad peanut butter -- yah, like any of you bothered to read this far before clicking on the link.

Happy Leap Year!

Fergie — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:19:00 +0000

Or is it Leap Day? Wait, is this even a holiday? How the hell do you celebrate Leap Year anyway?

What's that you say -- Get shitfaced and have a drunken orgy? Well, far be it for me to go against tradition.

(Even More) Words

Fergie — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:24:00 +0000

Sylvan :: pertaining to woods or forests.

Symposium (sĭm-pō'zē-əm) | n.
1) A meeting or conference for discussion of a topic, especially one in which the participants form an audience and make presentations.
2) A collection of writings on a particular topic, as in a magazine.
3) A convivial meeting for drinking, music, and intellectual discussion among the ancient Greeks.

Prosaic (prō-zā'ĭk) :: adj.
1) Consisting or characteristic of prose (ordinary speech or writing, without metrical structure).
2) Matter-of-fact; straightforward.
3) Lacking in imagination and spirit; dull.

Solipsism (sol-up-siz-um)
n. Philosophy.
1) The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2) The theory or view that the self is the only reality.

Lissom :: adj.
1) Supple; nimble.
2) Having the ability to move with ease; limber.

Clutch the Pearls

Fergie — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:40:00 +0000

Thieves dig underground tunnel to pull off epic Hollywood-style robbery, elaborate heist steals away $20-30 million in jewels from famed Damiani showroom in Milan!

Seriously, get this: This past Sunday -- as a number of Oscar attendees were wearing Damiani jewels during the annual awards show -- the jeweler's showroom was taken hostage by thieves in Milan.

After digging an underground tunnel from an adjacent building, four thieves wearing fake police uniforms snuck into the Damiani store, tied up staff members and lifted millions in designer jewels. According to reports, the men were able to avoid video surveillance cameras and did not trip off a single alarm. Police are investigating a possible inside job.

I suspect Bugs Bunny. He should have taken that left at Alberkerky. Seriously, the first thing that went though my mind was that these guys are a bunch of stoners who watch way too many cartoons. I picture a giant saw poking through the baseboards, cutting a circle in the floor underneath a giant, twenty-billion carrot diamond -- which led me to the conclusion about Bugs. He's always digging tunnels and is totally into carrots. I've deduced he's the ringmaster of this whole operation!

I'd make an awesome detective.

YouTube Tuesday!

Fergie — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:11:00 +0000

The Japanese are obsessed with poopy time. This cartoon proves it.

I Need These Today

Fergie — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 20:21:00 +0000

I'm very tired and pissy. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Sad Sunday

Fergie — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 23:37:00 +0000

It's Sunday and I'm at work.

I'm very boo-hiss at that.

I went with the photo of the dog because that's the fucking saddest thing I've ever seen. I was going to use a porcupine in a leg cast, but porcupines aren't really that cute. They're more like rats with quills. The only thing that's sad about a porcupine in a leg cast is that it survived the accident.

Anyways, aside from being at work, it looks like someone punched my face.

It seems at some point in the night, I rolled over and managed to squish my pillow into the crease in my face. The pressure caused a big red mark, which has quickly faded to a deep purple.

It looks like I have skid marks on my face.

Saturday Link Lust!!!

Fergie — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:12:00 +0000

I thought I had a ton of these saved up in my drafts, but it turns out there were only three links I lusted over recently. Doing only one link per post may satisfy my daily quota for blog365, but it doesn't give you much -- I'm thinking of you, dear reader.

PLACES!
Fab Search :: Global travel & going out guide. Based on what's listed for Los Angeles, the list seems to include a range of prices -- but they fail to rate them by price or attire. Trust me, I've already emailed them about it. Still, if you're out somewhere completely new on holiday why not just pick something that looks fun and go with it? Carpe diem!

TOYS!
ToyArchive :: Rare and Unique toys of the 70's, 80's, and 90's. From Transformers to Star Wars, He-Man & She-Ra. Hands up if you read "toys" and thought "double-headed dildo," or similar.

KITTY!
Fishy :: The kitty fish song. From rather good, those disturbing yet oddly adorable singing cats. A must see. Truly.

Steal My Beauty :: Aqua Fresh White Trays

Fergie — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 03:56:00 +0000

I've tried a few whitening agents without much success, until now.

Aqua Fresh White Trays :: $40

I noticed a difference, but don't think I'm going to show you a nasty picture with grungy yellow teeth and an after shot with sparkly whites. My teeth were ok before, just, well, off-white.

The only problem I had was the same with Crest White Strips. Even just once a day instead of twice, I missed a day because I was out and had things to do and didn't have 30-45 minutes to sit around with two trays of whitening gel in my mouth.

It was much worse with Crest white strips; I have no idea if they work or not because I used them so sporadically. I just kept forgetting and could not find the time to sit around for half an hour (twice) without talking, eating or smoking crack. No, I've never smoked crack. Crack is whack! And also very bad for your teeth.

I've actually typed this entire entry wearing the new Aqua Fresh white trays, and I'd have to say the taste is not good. My mouth is not in a totally happy place right now. Still, all this week I've noticed my teeth seemed brighter and whiter. I only skipped one day. I don't think that made a big difference.

They're expensive, more than I'd like to spend, but after a week (or so) there is a noted change. With still one treatment left, I'd buy them again to get my grill going really super ultra bright.

Wait, can you bleach your teeth to death? I wouldn't want to do that.

Crazy Hat Lady

Fergie — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:41:00 +0000

I hardly ever drive with my windows down but I was doing so the other day; stopped at a light, watching traffic in the opposite direction. When I turned around, this English lady wearing an absolutly ginormus red hat had popped her head into my car -- to ask directions.

She could have reached in and taken my bag, or stabbed me in the chest. I was oblivious.

"Oooh!" she said in her big accent, "Didn't mean to startle you, but is Sunset this way?" Which sounded like, "Ewwwww! Sowwy to stahtle oue, bhut es Sunesit thes whey?"

It turned out she was rather lovely, but I almost punched her in the face. Survival instinct.

Some Comments Not Working

Fergie — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:41:00 +0000

Grr!! Blogger eat comments, make Wes angry!

Apologies, dear reader. Some comments are not working. I'm very upset about that.

It takes a great deal to crack my patented diva scowl, but I sincerely flash teeth and everything when I log on and see comments waiting for me to approve and reply to. Sometimes comments stand alone, but most of the time I leave a follow-up comment.

The bottom line is, if you're posted a comment and it doesn't show up 1)thank you, sorry. 2)Try again please. And 3)I'm not ignoring or telling you to fuck off...if I didn't like a comment, I'd post it and then tell you to fuck off.

YouTube Tuesday!

Fergie — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:43:00 +0000

What do you get when you mix a rat monster with a nelly gay? Hilarity.

For your amusement: 'Scare Tactics' punks gay PETA activist. A classic!

Matthew Fox Needs to Stop Doing Sex to Me with His Eyes

Fergie — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:11:00 +0000

Even with a leather mask over his face, Matthew is still doing sex to me with his eyes. I can feel it.

Two for one! Yes, I know it's just a cardboard cut out. Don't be a Matthew Fox, Matthew Fox as Racer-X double penetration dream crusher.

I wish I could find a promotional pic from his upcoming film, because Matthew is looking better than ever for the new 'Speed Racer' movie, in which he plays Speed's archnemesis. Oh and by the way, he's clad from head-to-toe in black leather. Drool.

I said stop, Matthew! I'm creaming in my pants damn you!!

Now I'm all sticky.

LOL My Cat

Fergie — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:14:00 +0000

ROFLbot :: Add text to any picture, without using Fireworks or Photoshop.

If by now you haven't belly laughed at LOL cats then you must have been living under a rock. Srsly.

It's a simple idea -- taking a picture of a furry friend and adding a funny caption -- yet also equally genius.

As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, meaning I'm barely squeezing in an update for my Blog 365 goal of a new post every single day. So today you get cats. LOL cats. Njoy.

Think you're a witty kitty? ican... also has a tool you can use to submit directly to their site.

The Littlest Bodybuilder

Fergie — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Read his story here