Happy Leap Year!

Or is it Leap Day? Wait, is this even a holiday? How the hell do you celebrate Leap Year anyway?

What's that you say -- Get shitfaced and have a drunken orgy? Well, far be it for me to go against tradition.

(Even More) Words

Sylvan :: pertaining to woods or forests.


Symposium (sĭm-pō'zē-əm) | n.
1) A meeting or conference for discussion of a topic, especially one in which the participants form an audience and make presentations.
2) A collection of writings on a particular topic, as in a magazine.
3) A convivial meeting for drinking, music, and intellectual discussion among the ancient Greeks.


Prosaic (prō-zā'ĭk) :: adj.
1) Consisting or characteristic of prose (ordinary speech or writing, without metrical structure).
2) Matter-of-fact; straightforward.
3) Lacking in imagination and spirit; dull.


Solipsism (sol-up-siz-um)
n. Philosophy.
1) The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2) The theory or view that the self is the only reality.


Lissom :: adj.
1) Supple; nimble.
2) Having the ability to move with ease; limber.

Clutch the Pearls

Thieves dig underground tunnel to pull off epic Hollywood-style robbery, elaborate heist steals away $20-30 million in jewels from famed Damiani showroom in Milan!

Seriously, get this: This past Sunday -- as a number of Oscar attendees were wearing Damiani jewels during the annual awards show -- the jeweler's showroom was taken hostage by thieves in Milan.

After digging an underground tunnel from an adjacent building, four thieves wearing fake police uniforms snuck into the Damiani store, tied up staff members and lifted millions in designer jewels. According to reports, the men were able to avoid video surveillance cameras and did not trip off a single alarm. Police are investigating a possible inside job.

I suspect Bugs Bunny. He should have taken that left at Alberkerky. Seriously, the first thing that went though my mind was that these guys are a bunch of stoners who watch way too many cartoons. I picture a giant saw poking through the baseboards, cutting a circle in the floor underneath a giant, twenty-billion carrot diamond -- which led me to the conclusion about Bugs. He's always digging tunnels and is totally into carrots. I've deduced he's the ringmaster of this whole operation!

I'd make an awesome detective.

YouTube Tuesday!

The Japanese are obsessed with poopy time. This cartoon proves it.

I Need These Today

I'm very tired and pissy. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Sad Sunday

It's Sunday and I'm at work.

I'm very boo-hiss at that.

I went with the photo of the dog because that's the fucking saddest thing I've ever seen. I was going to use a porcupine in a leg cast, but porcupines aren't really that cute. They're more like rats with quills. The only thing that's sad about a porcupine in a leg cast is that it survived the accident.

Anyways, aside from being at work, it looks like someone punched my face.

It seems at some point in the night, I rolled over and managed to squish my pillow into the crease in my face. The pressure caused a big red mark, which has quickly faded to a deep purple.

It looks like I have skid marks on my face.

Saturday Link Lust!!!

I thought I had a ton of these saved up in my drafts, but it turns out there were only three links I lusted over recently. Doing only one link per post may satisfy my daily quota for blog365, but it doesn't give you much -- I'm thinking of you, dear reader.

PLACES!
Fab Search :: Global travel & going out guide. Based on what's listed for Los Angeles, the list seems to include a range of prices -- but they fail to rate them by price or attire. Trust me, I've already emailed them about it. Still, if you're out somewhere completely new on holiday why not just pick something that looks fun and go with it? Carpe diem!


TOYS!
ToyArchive :: Rare and Unique toys of the 70's, 80's, and 90's. From Transformers to Star Wars, He-Man & She-Ra. Hands up if you read "toys" and thought "double-headed dildo," or similar.


KITTY!
Fishy :: The kitty fish song. From rather good, those disturbing yet oddly adorable singing cats. A must see. Truly.

Steal My Beauty :: Aqua Fresh White Trays

I've tried a few whitening agents without much success, until now.

Aqua Fresh White Trays :: $40

I noticed a difference, but don't think I'm going to show you a nasty picture with grungy yellow teeth and an after shot with sparkly whites. My teeth were ok before, just, well, off-white.

The only problem I had was the same with Crest White Strips. Even just once a day instead of twice, I missed a day because I was out and had things to do and didn't have 30-45 minutes to sit around with two trays of whitening gel in my mouth.

It was much worse with Crest white strips; I have no idea if they work or not because I used them so sporadically. I just kept forgetting and could not find the time to sit around for half an hour (twice) without talking, eating or smoking crack. No, I've never smoked crack. Crack is whack! And also very bad for your teeth.

I've actually typed this entire entry wearing the new Aqua Fresh white trays, and I'd have to say the taste is not good. My mouth is not in a totally happy place right now. Still, all this week I've noticed my teeth seemed brighter and whiter. I only skipped one day. I don't think that made a big difference.

They're expensive, more than I'd like to spend, but after a week (or so) there is a noted change. With still one treatment left, I'd buy them again to get my grill going really super ultra bright.

Wait, can you bleach your teeth to death? I wouldn't want to do that.

Crazy Hat Lady

I hardly ever drive with my windows down but I was doing so the other day; stopped at a light, watching traffic in the opposite direction. When I turned around, this English lady wearing an absolutly ginormus red hat had popped her head into my car -- to ask directions.

She could have reached in and taken my bag, or stabbed me in the chest. I was oblivious.

"Oooh!" she said in her big accent, "Didn't mean to startle you, but is Sunset this way?" Which sounded like, "Ewwwww! Sowwy to stahtle oue, bhut es Sunesit thes whey?"

It turned out she was rather lovely, but I almost punched her in the face. Survival instinct.

Some Comments Not Working

Grr!! Blogger eat comments, make Wes angry!

Apologies, dear reader. Some comments are not working. I'm very upset about that.

It takes a great deal to crack my patented diva scowl, but I sincerely flash teeth and everything when I log on and see comments waiting for me to approve and reply to. Sometimes comments stand alone, but most of the time I leave a follow-up comment.

The bottom line is, if you're posted a comment and it doesn't show up 1)thank you, sorry. 2)Try again please. And 3)I'm not ignoring or telling you to fuck off...if I didn't like a comment, I'd post it and then tell you to fuck off.

YouTube Tuesday!

What do you get when you mix a rat monster with a nelly gay? Hilarity.

For your amusement: 'Scare Tactics' punks gay PETA activist. A classic!

Matthew Fox Needs to Stop Doing Sex to Me with His Eyes

Even with a leather mask over his face, Matthew is still doing sex to me with his eyes. I can feel it.

Two for one! Yes, I know it's just a cardboard cut out. Don't be a Matthew Fox, Matthew Fox as Racer-X double penetration dream crusher.

I wish I could find a promotional pic from his upcoming film, because Matthew is looking better than ever for the new 'Speed Racer' movie, in which he plays Speed's archnemesis. Oh and by the way, he's clad from head-to-toe in black leather. Drool.

I said stop, Matthew! I'm creaming in my pants damn you!!

Now I'm all sticky.

LOL My Cat

ROFLbot :: Add text to any picture, without using Fireworks or Photoshop.

If by now you haven't belly laughed at LOL cats then you must have been living under a rock. Srsly.

It's a simple idea -- taking a picture of a furry friend and adding a funny caption -- yet also equally genius.

As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, meaning I'm barely squeezing in an update for my Blog 365 goal of a new post every single day. So today you get cats. LOL cats. Njoy.



Think you're a witty kitty? ican... also has a tool you can use to submit directly to their site.

The Littlest Bodybuilder

Read his story here

Death Clock

When will you die? Ask the DEATH CLOCK

Definitely

I absolutly love that some word nerd dedicated an entire Web site to the correct spelling of definitely.

The irony that one must spell that word correctly to access the site makes me LOL. Yah, I'm a geek. In sexy disguise. Definitely.

The V Word

Today is a special day for me.

Valentines marks the anniversary of the very first blog I ever wrote, denouncing this stupid holiday. I'm sentimental like that.

Oh, the corporate fakeness! The feigned sincerity! At some point, though, you just have to get over it. Besides, you get candy -- and that's the best part of any holiday.

This year the WeHo Crew is taking over the Abbey. Who needs a boyfriend when you've got friends with benefits?


And now, let's go back in time, dear reader. Back to the first year of the 21st century; a time when 'Alias' debuted on TV and the highly anticipated follow-up to 'Anal Addicts' hit porn store shelves. Oh like I'm the only one who was waiting for part two.


V-Day
(originally posted here)

So here we are, Valentine's day again ... does this holiday suck, or what? Everyone seems to hate this one.

People who don't have a "special someone" feel left out, alone, and like a looser in general. Those with a "sweetie" are forced to endure the pressure of the holiday. It's like being told to "say something funny" out of the blue. Can't do it. You're funny when you're funny (most of the time without even trying), and romantic when you are feeling romantic. You simply cannot mandate such things, puh-lease!

Try as I might this year, though, I can't hate Valentine's Day. Not because I'm in love, or even because I'm seeing someone (which I'm not, unless you count the one who already has a boyfriend...but that's another story). No, this year v-day is turning out to be something different. I received candy from my mom, cards signed by co-workers, and e-cards with dirty messages such as, "On a day in the past that sucked, I hope that this year you get fucked".

Yes, this year is different. This year it's not about the pressure of either finding someone to be with, or getting the person I'm with something good; it's about the true love I have with the people in my life who care enough to make me their Valentine.

I want this trend to continue. I want things to go back to grade school, when you bought a box of Valentine's so you could give one to everyone you knew. Screw all that mushy love crap! Let's have some fun.

-fergie
Feb. 14, 2001

Overheard

Overheard this morning, after the coffee maker overflowed in the kitchen, soiling all the electrical appliances nearby:

"No, no, everything's fine. There are just flames coming out of the microwave."

YouTube Tuesday!

Awesome. Sexy. Hot.

Erotic Ink

...more hot, freaky stuff at ModBlog

Dead Man's Party

People are weird.

Here's what happened: About a month ago, one of the tenants in our apartment building died. It was all a very big, overly dramatic deal because he kicked it in his armchair and the paramedics had to take him away under a blanket. Morbid!

It wasn't someone I knew, so I didn't exactly mourn his loss. Call me a cold hearted bitch but whatever. People die every single day and I just can't be sad for all of them.

Anyways, they finally got around to cleaning out his place but there was some stuff left over. We received a notice on our door that today, God's holy day, the manager will open the dead guy's apartment and allow everyone to pick through the last of his belongings like some kind of post-mortem swap meet.

Neighbors were giddily plucking through a bunch of crap they didn't need, some of them taking armloads of second-hand dead guy stuff back to their place.

Somehow, I just don't find that type of behavior appropriate. When someone dies, some people practically fall over themselves trying to get first dibs on the deceased's personal belongings. It's tacky and lame.

Even I have more respect for the dead than that.

Steal My Beauty :: Hair

Ok, by now y'all know what this is all about: I'm a hot bitch on a budet, so let my bathroom be your guide to beauty!

I'm an American Crew convert.

Peppermint Cleanse :: $10

No, it ain't Suave, bitches. I said hot bitch on a budget not crack whore at the dollar store. While yes, almost all shampoos contain the same active ingredient (Sodium Laureth Sulfate) it's the other stuff that makes the difference. Some products will leave your hair feeling dry and looking like straw. There is no point in saving money if you don't look cute.

Of course, everyone has different hair care needs, but in general there is no need to wash your hair every single day. Even a gentle cleanser can strip out the healthy oils and take away your natural shine. Not my shine! NOOOOO!!

In case you don't speak drama queen, I'm saying don't over wash. I usually go every other day or even two days in-between. I tend to use about a dime size amount, very little, to wash out dirt and oil. If I've been wearing a hat or something I might rinse and repeat to get a good lather going for a deep clean.

A friend of mine -- who happens to be a hairstylist -- turned me on to this product. Before I was using some pretty generic crap, because I was under the mistaken impression shampoos were all the same. I had used really expensive stuff and really cheap stuff; maybe I just wasn't paying attention because I hadn't noticed a difference. With the peppermint cleanse, I do. It smells great and makes my hair feel silky without leaving it limp and lifeless.

While I believe in bargain shopping, there is such a thing as getting what you pay for.

Fiber Molding Creme :: $14

My hair is super extremely fine, texture-wise. There's a lot of it and it grows very quickly, but each hair is baby fine and ultra soft. It can be very difficult to style because most products make it too greasy, flat and dirty, or it looks slick to the point of being wet.

Then one day I found the ultimate styling product by Redkin called "manouver." It was promptly discontinued. I was sad.

I've tried some other stuff that worked, but it was expensive, so I continued my search for something under my personal limit of $20. Finally, after seeking the advice of countless salon professionals, I ran into this dude with fine hair who told me he used Fiber. I was like really? I love their shampoo!

What I like about this stuff, aside from being about half the price of similar products, is that it has a clean, dry finish (and can be used on any hair type). To use: I get a small amount on the tip of my middle finger, rub into my palms and whip it through dry hair.

Aussie Mega Hair Spray :: $5

To finish...a quick, all-over mist to battle the wind demons. This spray has, well, mega hold. It also smells really good. I've had dudes literally stop mid-makeout session to tell me how good my hair smells. Seriously.

I do this totally 80s, upside down application technique -- for maximum volume -- but I doubt it's completely necessary. I'm just addicted to the head rush.

WikiWack

Like wiki, on crack.

Encyclopedia Dramatica

My Kind of Valentine

Candy Heart Generator

John Mayer: Attack of the Mankini!

Musician and Gap flack John Mayer shows the world what he's working with in a "Borat" inspired one-piece bikini thong. Sexy time.


Nice butt floss!

I don't know why people say he looks like he smells funny. Maybe it's the hair. Aside from the white boy fro, dude appears to be clean. In fact he's looking pretty fit. I never would have guessed he's rocking such a tight body.

Normally I wouldn't comment on a celebrity (I get my fill working as a news editor for an entertainment site). I figured why not try something new? I mean seriously, that picture is an instant classic. Two reasons: At first glance, it looks like he's naked, and B)-it also appears a flag is sticking out his ass.

That's my kind of man.


Way more pics and the (actually very funny) story behind them at That's Blogastic

Political & Stuff

Anti-Speed Trap

Locate and report a speed trap in your area at speedtrap.org

Sponsored by the National Motorists Association

Sunday Recap

I'm not dead.

Technically -- even though I've been too sick to stroke my, uh, keys -- I've been blogging. In my mind. That has got to count for something.

WED.
A note to my boss:
"Meds upset my stomach -- on top of everything else. Feel worse than before, won't be in tomorrow. In fact, I may be dead by then."

THURS.
Still alive. Actually started to feel human by late afternoon. Washed sheets; self. Shaved. I look good clean. Smell better, too.

FRI.
Returned to work; details are hazy. Immediately found myself in the "sick position" when I returned home, ending up on the couch in my bathrobe. I don't remember changing so it's possible I wore my bathrobe to work.

SAT.
Slept most of the day. Ate pizza. Fielded multiple attempts to drag my hot ass out of the apartment, despite repeatedly stating I was recovering from sinusitis. You know what really helps a severe sinus infection? Loud music and drinking in the rain! I love my friends, but they're some dumb bitches. Went to bed.

SUN.
Slept in. Wrote this.

Now you're all caught up. The end.