Clutch the Pearls

Thieves dig underground tunnel to pull off epic Hollywood-style robbery, elaborate heist steals away $20-30 million in jewels from famed Damiani showroom in Milan!

Seriously, get this: This past Sunday -- as a number of Oscar attendees were wearing Damiani jewels during the annual awards show -- the jeweler's showroom was taken hostage by thieves in Milan.

After digging an underground tunnel from an adjacent building, four thieves wearing fake police uniforms snuck into the Damiani store, tied up staff members and lifted millions in designer jewels. According to reports, the men were able to avoid video surveillance cameras and did not trip off a single alarm. Police are investigating a possible inside job.

I suspect Bugs Bunny. He should have taken that left at Alberkerky. Seriously, the first thing that went though my mind was that these guys are a bunch of stoners who watch way too many cartoons. I picture a giant saw poking through the baseboards, cutting a circle in the floor underneath a giant, twenty-billion carrot diamond -- which led me to the conclusion about Bugs. He's always digging tunnels and is totally into carrots. I've deduced he's the ringmaster of this whole operation!

I'd make an awesome detective.