UPDATE: They found Jesus

It's common for people to say they've found Jesus, but this time it's for real.

That chick in Michigan has recovered her beloved concrete Jesus statue.

The story takes a weird turn, as it was revealed a family member stole away into the night with the so-called heirloom. Does this mean the wiener poopie note was a clever ploy to throw everyone off, because if so that's pure genius. Genius! A plan so well constructed, nobody will ever discover the real culprit! Oh, wait.

To protect herself in the future, I suggest she should get GPS for Jesus. It worked in Florida. Seriously.