I'm Wearing New Pants

I'm convinced my reading glasses are somehow polarized to attract air molecules because they're always covered in little flecks of debris. I'm going to get to work in my lab creating a lightweight dust repellent that can be sprayed on glass surfaces. That's right, I'm a scientist now.

Don't try to steal my idea, either. I copyrighted that shit. It's going to make billions.

Of note this morning; it's below fifty degrees. Technically, that's freezing cold here in Southern California.

On the plus side, I'm wearing new pants today. New pants keep me warm. New pants evoke happy thoughts. They're like a cozy pair of gloves, except for your legs. New pants make me look stylish, crisp and clean. New pants show the world I can afford new pants. They make me feel like a freshly minted penny, all shiny and pretty. New pants improve confidence. New pants run your errands, clean dirty dishes, solve cross-word puzzles, pay your taxes and fight crime. New pants make the world a better place.