Squirrelly

Swim squirrel, swim!

I swear, sometimes I feel like that little squirrel, trying to bust my fancy tail up river.

This month is National Novel Writing Month, so I haven't been updating here as often because of that. 50,000 words in 30 days is really a big feat. Swim!

And of course the long holiday weekend kept me both busy and relaxed, however that works out. Yet I notice some of my regular reads have been updating like crazy, one of them six times since I last checked my reader on Wednesday. Six times! That is making me look bad.

Here's some crap I had stored up in my head, like the good little squirrel I am.

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Thanksgiving: Salad Expectations

This year I was thankful the expectations were low. Everyone is well aware that I'm a terrible cook and little was required of me, except to attend some truly lovely feasts! However, I was asked to bring a dish to one of the events, something simple like a salad.

Can you make a bad salad? I wasn't about to find out. Still, I wanted it to be good and kind of fancy, if that was possible.

Using all organic veggies, I mixed a baby green medley with baby spinach, candied pecans, dried cranberries, goat cheese and harvest cherry tomatoes with a champagne peach vinaigrette. It was lovely.

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Vlog

I keep wanting to make my first ever video blog post thing, but then I never do. Honestly, it’s just weird to me. Somewhere in the process I lock up and become very uncomfortable. I’ve created a couple vids, but I just end up deleting them. Is this YouTube stage fright?

I even went so far as to scribe a video reply to one of my favorite YouTube stars, Sean! But then I freaked out and deleted it about three seconds after uploading.

I don’t know how people just flip on record and go at it. I want the perfect camera angle, a backdrop, lighting, you know, diva shit. And my voice! Sweet Jesus can someone get me a Britney Spears filter -- so the queer, man-bitch pitch of my voice will melt your over the eardrums like warm butter.

So, anyways now that’s a thing. A thing I think I am afraid to do, which means I must do it, which means you will see it here first! Stay tuned.


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Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world...

Beauty Queen Triumphs, Despite Pepper Spray Assault
This is pure sabotage. A Puerto Rican beauty queen unknowingly wore makeup that had been spiked with pepper spray. She managed to hold her shit together and won the crown! If you have never been hit with pepper spray, FYI it hurts like holy fucking hell. One time I got a big load shot all over my chest. Pepper spray, yes I’m still talking about pepper spray.


Power Corrupts Local Meter Maid
Rome's mayor fired the city's traffic and parking chief after he parked his car in a no parking zone and displayed a handicapped permit that belonged to an 86-year old woman. I love that he didn’t just park illegally, but also used a fake permit! And who the hell was this woman? Did he kill her for the permit or what?


Another reason to hate Wal-Mart
Evil bastards can take back health care benefits paid out to employees: Wal-Mart reserves the right to recoup the medical expenses it paid for someone's treatment if the person also collects damages in an injury suit. But, you guessed it. This is actually a common health care clause. Spread the wealth!




Well isn't that a happy end note.

More soon. Until then...keep swimming.